As a youth coach, I truly enjoy being in the kids' world. It is so different from the adult world - simpler, less complicated and, in many cases, full of lessons that adults can learn from. That is why I always encourage my players to ask questions and communicate with me.
I want to talk about bowling, of course, but also about life in general. Building a coach-player relationship based on trust allows us to work together as a true team.
Sometimes, however, I encounter children who are terrified to voice their opinions. They are afraid of giving the wrong answer, so they choose to remain silent instead. What causes this? Is it parenting, the school environment or simply the nature of the child?
As coaches, our job is not only to develop players with strong technique. We must also support young people in ways that help them grow into confident individuals capable of handling everyday life.
Yet that becomes difficult when much of their environment is working against that goal.
The Pressure for Perfection
We see our athletes only two or three times a week for a few hours at a time. The rest of the week, they are often surrounded by pressures that demand perfection.
- They attend schools that teach there is only one correct answer, where students are discouraged from trying a novel approach or respectfully disagreeing.
- They scroll through social media, which constantly highlights success, beauty and perfection, making many of them feel inadequate.
- In some cases, they are also exposed to old-fashioned parenting styles driven by comparison and concern about "what other people will say."
We are failing to let children simply be children. We discourage them from being wonderfully different because, as adults, we are often afraid they may show us a new or better way.
We, too, are victims of society's established rules and expectations. Trapped within those boundaries ourselves, we often try to force young people into the same boxes. But I refuse to stop encouraging them to be themselves.
I want them to give me "wrong" answers. I want them to talk, discuss and explore ideas until we find common ground together. I want them to develop their own style of play and technique, even when others look at them differently or laugh behind their backs.
History and the present day show us that difference is exactly what we need. We need diverse opinions. We need individuality. We need the ability to discuss ideas openly and discover the best possible outcome.
We need to raise children in an environment where they are not afraid to express an opinion, stand up for themselves and talk about their feelings. At the same time, this freedom should not be confused with a lack of discipline. Allowing children to be themselves does not mean letting them do whatever they want. In fact, it means the opposite.
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Structure, Character & Greatness
True support requires structure. We are not lowering the bar - we are giving young people the confidence to clear it. By encouraging them to speak up and make mistakes, we help them become both brave and humble, respectful toward adults and peers alike.
They begin to see others not as threats, but as part of a world where everyone has a place. They learn to ask questions, advocate for themselves and understand that there is room for everyone without envy or constant comparison.
Everyone is good at something. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Our role is to teach young people how to recognize those qualities and use them to their advantage.
Our goal as coaches should not be to build robots who blindly follow instructions. Our goal is to use the lanes to help raise strong, independent and resilient human beings.
When we approach youth sports the right way, we are not simply developing future bowling champions - we are helping to shape the future leaders, innovators and influential personalities of tomorrow.
"True champions are not born in a vacuum of perfection. They are forged when a child learns how to recover from a gutter ball, face criticism and put in the hard work required to achieve greatness driven by passion rather than the pressure to be perfect."
About the Author Lenka Sulkova
Lenka Sulkova is an active national team athlete from Bratislava,
Slovakia.
She is an EBF Level 2 trained coach, co-founder and coach of the youth
bowling club BYC, and a youth tournament manager.
Her background also includes national and international tournament
experience, along with several courses in sports psychology and pedagogy.
